I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Damn victory sex feels great
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
