Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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