I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
