I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
