She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it hurts more in the daytime
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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