so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
