it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
