Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
