pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize