I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
