My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
