Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
