Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
