So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
