just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
