guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
