she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
