Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
