I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
