The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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