I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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