Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize