The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
