Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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