just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They took my balls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
