Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
