just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize