how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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