I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
