i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
