dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
