btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
