I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
