it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
