Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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