i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
