i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
