So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
