I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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