I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
