He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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