That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Too much gin, very little bucket
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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