Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
