suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
