There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
