Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
