I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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