Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
