how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
