Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
