Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
