his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
