I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize