i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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