I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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