he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
