I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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