I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
