I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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