what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
