in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
