Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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