He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
