Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
