Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
